Thursday, March 22, 2007

Five(5) Natural Emotions - Grief

Before, everything else I would like to greet Tay Ernie a Happy Birthday! :)

Anyway, I will share to you the works of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross who teaches people about the five natural emotions.

Despite the countless emotions going around that made us feel this-way-and-that-way, there are only 5 which are natural.

I will share to you the first and then the next day would be the second and so on and so on.

Grief is a natural emotion. This is the very part of us that allows us to say goodbye whenever we don't want to say goodbye. This is a very natural response to death, separation or loss of a beloved one or a thing.

When one is allowed to express one's grief, one gets rid of it very quickly. Those children who were allowed to cry over losing a toy or being separated from a parent, or those children who were allowed to be sad whenever they feel sad they will feel very healthy about sadness when they grow up, and they usually move through sadness very quickly. They "get over" their sadness right away.

On the other hand, if as a child you were always told to "Hush! Don't cry!", "stop crying..." when you grow up you will have a hard time crying as an adult. (I've met a few people who were like this and you can basically tell whether they were allowed or not to express what they feel when they were young.) Those children who were taught not to cry over "small" things and have been told all their life not to cry will have a hard time moving through sadness. So they usually repress their grief.

If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble. ~Moliere

Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength - Ovid

Grief that is continually repressed becomes a chronic depression, a very unnatural emotion.

People have tried to kill themselves(suicide) and have killed other people because of chronic depression.

Credits/Ideas: CWG, and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Wikipedia

What should I do?
Tears are the language of grief - Voltaire

He that conceals his grief finds no remedy in it. - Turkish Proverb.
Never ever repress your feeling over losing someone or something. If you felt a need to cry... go cry. If you need to feel sad... be sad. If that's how you feel at the moment, you express it. You don't need to mask your feelings and hide it from anybody.

They say music therapy is good as well. You might as well try it.

I'm not a doctor or anything of the sort, but I don't believe in using "medicines" such as anti-depressants to be effective. It may be at first but in the long run it would have side-effects.

Basically, we all have to go through sadness "naturally" without the use of medicines that manipulates what you feel as of the moment.

And once, you've poured it all out.... all will be well.

Remember, grief is a natural emotion.

We all experience grief..... and we experience it naturally.... and go through it....

There's a good book about dying and grieving: Good Grief: Making Sense of Death, Dying & Funerals by Mark H. Shearon.

Here are some positive quotes I've gathered about grief....

Grief is itself a medicine. ~William Cowper, Charity

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. ~Author Unknown

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight. ~Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.

Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943,


Nicole said...

nako tama ka ate sa lahat ng sinabi mo, lalo na ung if you want to cry cry if we want to be sad then be sad, hindi dapat tinatago ang feelings diba? hehe.. maganda kung ilalabas natin hehe. ingat ka lagi ate.. mwah
nicole | Homepage | 03.22.07 - 11:44 pm |

joanna said...

i agree with you.. sometimes mas lalo pang lumalala ang problema pag ganun.. kasi minsan nagiging drug dependent na everytime na madedepressed.. hmmm, kaya siguro ako iyakin.. ^_^
joanna | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 3:32 am |

ann said...

May sis ako na tahimik lang at di iyakin khit masama na ang loob nya. One time bigla na lang syang bumagsak at nangitim. Pagdating sa hospital sabi ng doktor masama rin daw yung hindi iniiyak ang sama ng loob. Mas ok daw na nailalabas dahil pwedeng pagmulan ng sakit sa puso.
ann | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 7:22 am |

avy said...

di jud ko kapugong na dli maka-comment.. haayy..
wala man nuon ko ginaingnan ug ato tung bata pa ko..
it was my own choice not to show any skemamu chenelyn echus.. basta kato.. haayyy..

that's life.. ^_^
Avy | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 7:51 am | #

ferdz said...

Wow! It's nice of you to share this. I've read about Kubler Ross before and about this 5 natural emotions. Thanks for a refresher
Ferdz | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 9:18 am | #

dimaks said...

well maybe that's why crying, tears and sadness were created
dimaks | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 11:32 am |

jhenny said...

thanks for sharing tina!

ako i always whenever i feel like crying lalo na kapag sad ako.. and i believe na dapat nga ndi pinipigil ang emotions lalo na ang sadness, kasi i think it make us more human to feel all the emos around us
jhenny | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 11:57 am |

ghee said...

very nice post Tina..

i cry easily,kaya pala i get over simply din,hehe..
and yeah,i cried a lot when i was small,and you know what?i love my children crying,it depends of course,but i love them when they sob and cry when I castigate them,esp my eldest,hehe,maganda ang effect nun sa kanya
ghee | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 11:57 am |

jhenny said...

i always cry lalo na kapag sad ako.. kasi i think it will make us more human if we could deal on all the emos around us
jhenny | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 12:02 pm |

ychel said...

this was a nice post. im gonna wait for the others.

im a cry baby so enough said. and im used to show up all my emotions. if im sad im gonna be sad and if i wanna cry im gonna cry. hehe!

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."---this one is good!

take care tina.mwahugs..tnx for sharing this
ychel | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 8:04 pm

chino said...

i like crying....or tearing... lol.. its my way of coping.. :P
chino | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 10:26 pm | #

Sidney said...

I am not sure this is possible. I lost both my parents shorty one after the other. It happend long time ago but it was such a traumatic experience that the pain never healed. Never will.
I just try to NOT think about it. If I start thinking I am lost again...
Sidney | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 11:10 pm |

angelo said...

That is very true about grief, human beings were meant to experience it as a normal part of being a human being... I'm with you on the antidepressants, I don't want to sound like a Scientologist like Tom Crusise though! But if you can manage without antidepressants or any medication for that matter, then you should.... there's a lot of pill poppers out there who think drugs are the answer to everything....

but, there are also a lot of people who cannot function in their daily lives because of depression.... grief is natural, but when it lasts for so long and does not go away, that's no longer normal grief, and it has a very difficult and unhealthy effect on a person's life, to the point where they no longer want to get out of bed, or even live anymore.... those people need help.... I've also met many women who go through depression after having a baby... to the point where they don't want anything to do with their babies, and some even have thoughts of killing their babies.... now that's not normal, and these people need help... I have know many people to improve and get on with their lives just from a pill.... of course this doesn't work for everybody...

if I ever have kids, I'll be sure to allow them to express their emotions, especially grief, at a healthy level! Cheers!
Angelo | Homepage | 03.23.07 - 11:29 pm |

nona said...

mas mahaba raw ang buhay ng mga babae kaysa sa mga lalaki dahil mas malaki ang tendency nilang umiyak kapag nararamdaman nila... :D mga lalaki raw kasi mahilig magpigil ng luha...
ninong | Homepage | 03.24.07 - 12:49 am

potpot said...

hmm.. nakakatulong ang music sa ganian.. hihihhi..
potpot | Homepage | 03.24.07 - 4:53 am |