Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
you know the popular saying:
so... yeah. and that the good thing about things falling apart, is that you can choose to pick up which pieces you want to have in your life.
I'm just resting while a power much greater than me takes over. :) (thinking about rest, makes me want to go have a massage!!!! i BADLY NEED ONE! maybe mamaya before i go to sleep.)
but, but, i have to get back on track. I have a "challenge", I'm working out on..... some goal.. which I will reveal as soon as I ACHIEVE it. it's in my PRIORITY FOLDER.
The recent uhmmm experience I had, I mentioned was terrible, right? It almost shattered a belief, that I keep holding on to... but, then... my angels are always around to keep me back on track. I have always believed that you need not a lot of pain and suffering to grow. Because, Jesus said: "It is finished". But, of course... you have a choice to go through all that. And like many gurus would say: "There are many paths to the mountain top."
I've always believed that Love operates on a win-mode. Being successful in life need not have a lot of negative tension involved, and that we don't really have to struggle all the time.
So... I surrender and just love. :) It's like I'm melting into another world. Some may call it a fantasy, but sometimes the truth can seem like a fantasy. Of course, I still have a feet on both worlds. And someone taught me how to take the rose-colored glasses off, if necessary. And, I did.
They say the world changes, when we change. It reflects back to us what we have been giving all along. It softens when we soften. It opens when we open our hearts.
It's this moment when LOVE matters more than anything. Not psychology, not neurosis. Just Love. That warm feeling, that despite all those broken promises, shattered dreams, half truths, hostility, you found a way to stop fighting the world... and let things be.
There'd be moments I may forget, but that's part of our journey....
*spreads the love to y`all*
peace IN! (haha. trying to be cool, eh?)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I can't really explain everything that happened. Some things will remain private. Some things will remain in my "journal" and the rest might as well be left unwritten. All I can say, that everything was odd.
So many things were left unsaid for my emotions got the better of me. But, I guess that doesn't matter now. All I know, it was good while it lasted and everything was just perfect even though the "end" was abrupt and horrible.
I kind of hated myself for making promises I couldn't keep. I wanted to keep it, but I'm too scared to take it. Yes, my dear angels, I'm not ready for love it seems. All along, I thought I was, but I was uninitiated. I lack the emotional skills to hold on to the magic when the storm came.
I can't tell myself that it wasn't real for me. For, I would just be lying to myself. But, it was also hard to tell, because there were lies involved at the beginning. The facts may have been all a lie, but there was a moment, that tiny spark, that glimmer, that love visited. And that I will cherish. It will be hard to forget the songs. It's filled with bittersweet memories and broken promises.
I felt the sadness, and I was gullible enough that the good intentions I have, backfired. I got scared with the domino effect. Fear got ahead of me. And so, I had to step out from the "fantasy" we made.
It was grim and excruciating. There's a certain hardness that developed in my soul. And I hope the tears will take them away. Tears for the humiliating failure I made.
I don't even know why I felt the need to post this. Maybe, I just want to commemorate this day, and also the past three days, for this will mark another chapter of my life.
To some this can be a lesson, and for awhile I thought it was just that. But, going deeper, this was a soulful experience, one that I have probably asked, and I couldn't say I came out victorious.
But, I asked for this. I live a sheltered life. I live with my books. I do meet people from all walks of life from the nature of business that I am in, and lately I have been disconnected from them. I felt I was stagnating. And in a sense, I created this experience, to keep me from stagnating.
Oh my, what a ride, this was.
Yesterday, while I was in my room walking around, beseeching my guides to help me, I saw a praying mantis on top of my bed. I was startled at first, because I haven't seen one for years.
and I knew there was some sort of a reason why it appeared at that moment. And so, I searched online for the meaning and here's what I got:
The mantis comes to us when we need peace, quiet and calm in our lives. Usually the mantis makes an appearance when we've flooded our lives with so much business, activity, or chaos that we can no longer hear the still small voice within us because of the external din we've created.A quick-list of praying mantis symbolism:
Overwhelmingly in most cultures the mantis is a symbol of stillness. As such, she is an ambassador from the animal kingdom giving testimony to the benefits of meditation, and calming our minds.
An appearance from the mantis is a message to be still, go within, meditate, get quite and reach a place of calm. It may also a sign for you to be more mindful of the choices you are making and confirm that these choices are congruent.Source: Animal Symbolism
I can't say I am fine. I am still grieving.
This is a road I have to take on my own....
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
and No.. this is not what I am currently feeling now. =) in fact... i'm happy... and chirpy and looking forward to the future... and yeah... learning the craft in the business that I am in. Ahhhh.. I need more like minded individuals. Ooohh... I know I'd meet them along the way. :)
anyhow... just wanted to share the article over here. ;) see ya around guys!
for the original post: DayDream
Don’t ever use distance as an excuse to break up or separate. If anything, it’s that one of you don’t feel the same about the other anymore. If you were together in the first place, it must mean that you were both committed to make it work. But later on down the road, if you say you’re separating because of distance, then I would have to disagree. Unless you’re one of those people who were in the relationship just for physical needs.
It’s not distance that makes you want to separate, it’s the level of commitment that you’re willing to give into the relationship. Because distance only makes the heart grow fonder. If you really did like the person, you’d be more committed. You’d want to talk to that person almost all the time. You’d text or call. Go out of your way just to say “Hi” or “I miss you”. It doesn’t even take a minute to send a text or just call to say hi.
Everyone needs assurance. Without it, we’re lost. It takes two to tangle, and it takes two to cuddle. If one person has no idea what the other person is thinking, how are we suppose to deal/react to the situation? It’s like being left in the pitch black darkness. Assurance is the light that keeps us going. If you’re not committed, then say so. Reassure the person that you don’t feel the same. Don’t ever keep someone waiting just because you know they will. Hearts are the last thing you should be playing with.
If you’re ever gonna end a relationship, don’t ever say it’s because of distance. That’s lame. If anything, it’s you and the decrease of commitment you want to give into the relationship. If only one person is committed, it might as well turn into unrequited love.