Real Love

Much has been said about love. For it is everything. And so to some.. you wouldn't need any words to describe how it makes you feel and that all these words are nothing compared to the moment you have it with you.... nor does it end with that feeling.

But... it is a lifestyle.. some sort of a religion, where each lover remains to be each other priest or priestess...

and i found this "Real Love" by Eric Hurtgen (Relevant Magazine) article over at tumblr. and thought it's a worthy piece that i would love to look back on.. one day.

if wine is bottled poetry.. then i think articles and words like these can also give you the certain feeling you get whenever you drink wine - warm, hot... fill in the blank...

don't you think? :p

the ones in bold.. i have felt with a certain someone. *yay* Recently. :)

Real Love never parades itself outside in the streets, letting everyone know just how real it is. Real Love never needs an agent, a manager or a public relations guy. It doesn’t need an ad campaign or clever salesmen to move its product or drum up business. Real Love rarely sends out flyers to let everyone know it’s in the neighborhood.

Real Love has talent, has a real gift, but it doesn’t orchestrate the camera angles to maximize its potential. And it never has to slip money into an unnoticed hand to get into a gig or sell itself out to slide in through the back door. Real Love is content to wait quietly outside talking to the stage hands.

Real Love never needs a dozen roses and a nice car for the first date, and it doesn’t start out with the lobster and chardonnay. Real Love won’t lie in the heat of the moment to have its way, and it never uses all the right words to get what it wants. Real Love usually takes things slowly and gets better with age.

Real Love smiles even when it’s unfashionable to do so and never holds back tears. It looks good without makeup on and isn’t afraid to go out in public unprepared. Real Love quit rambling on about nothing a long time ago and doesn’t worry that it might not have anything to say right now. Real Love looks you in the eye during the awkward silences.

When it’s treated cruelly or quietly snubbed, Real Love never turns inward or burns spitefully. It never calls up mutual friends to vent in anger or stoops to pettiness to have its revenge.

Real Love is quietly hopeful and devastatingly kind. It’s always on time, and it doesn’t quit just because the shift is over. Real Love is surprising, like a night out under the stars. And though it usually prefers the softest touches, Real Love has strength enough to fend off all other suitors.

Real Love is not a gamble, a ruse or a phase. It’s not faddish or shallow, too young or too old. It’s cross-cultural and counter-cultural and sub-cultural. It doesn’t favor big bank accounts or the most beautiful faces, and it rarely comes around when it’s not called. Real Love likes the lowest voices and shows little respect for the big booming ones, though it doesn’t count them out just because they don’t get it right now.

Real Love is a movement, an affection and an arrow pointing home; it is a peace, a precept and a personality. It knows about forever and ever, and it works just fine in the now and the here. And Real Love doesn’t need a clever tag line at the end to get its point across one last time.

-Eric Hurtgen, via Relevant Magazine

Day 4 - Your Sibling

Well.. I have two.

I am the eldest.

Then there's Darlene..... :)

She's as sweet as honey but as grumpy as a bear when you catch her in one of her moods. We share a room since FOREVER. I'm kind of lemme see.. disorganized while she is very orderly. She'd smile when she would catch me sweeping the floor of our room or try to arrange my wild array of books. I occupy most of the cabinets surrounding our room, by the way.

She's very picky when it comes to clothes. Preferring to have her own style. Usually she dons on a skirt and a jacket with a hoodie. Yes, always a jacket. The safest gift I could prolly give her is that. A jacket. Because if i buy her some dress or a blouse, she might wrinkle her nose.

She hates it whenever I would watch a certain movie before her. Specially if it involves the Twilight Saga. So, i always make it a point to watch it with her first.

She loves to draw... and she has a sweet voice. She rarely sings in public because she says she is shy. But, whenever i am around... I push her to sing. Hehe. She'd grudgingly sing... and I'm sensing she enjoys it, she's just too shy to admit it.

She loves anything chinky. Korean. Chinese. Japanese. Taiwanese. Tae Young. KPop. Kim Bum. Polpot. Chairman Mao. Kim Chi. Lychee. She'd make me watch Korean movies, korean MV's and to my dismay it awakens the cheesy melodramatic self inside of me.

She's a ball of emotions. Artistic. And most of all a sister. :)

I don't tell her about my love life - that much. Not the details. But, she knows when I am in love or not. She knows how to make "zee smile" appear. By, just mentioning the right name.... and "ka-boom" she'd catch me. And then, she'd know. That's having a sister. You don't need to tell it all... but she knows. Oooh yeah.. she knows.

*gives Darlene a sweet bear hug*

There's my BIG little brother Paolo.

Yeah. BIG. Since, he is taller than me. :(

Sometimes he frustrates me by being a Peter Pan lately. Maybe, because he knows there's always someone around to pick up his slack. But, then right now... we are just making him enjoy his "high school" life.

He is very happy-go-lucky. He plays soccer. He is friendly. But, if you get on his nerves... you would really get on his nerves. LOL. I could name three people he is completely annoyed with. When he sees them, he would boil.

Most of the time, he is cute. When he would ask me, what gel to use, what spray's got the best scent. Or when he asks me: "Is what I'm wearing, Ok?".

We get into fights most of the time, specially when I ask him to do this, get that, throw this, call that. But, I think that's very common. One good thing about him, is that he doesn't hold on to his grudges for long. Only with those 3 people.

He loves to tease me too. And I tease him back.

I wonder.... how it would be if he actually makes "ligaw" one of these days.

Would he ask me, what to give his would-be girlfriend? Would he even? I doubt he would if I would tease him about it. I think i'll lay off the teasing. :)

So, yeah... those are my siblings in a nutshell. :)

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I don't think I can post those "DAYS". It's not as exciting as I started. Oh well.

Back to my random posts.

Visit my Angel Snippets Tumblr Version.

*waves*

Dengue Fever

and yes... it is indeed rampant nowadays.

People I know have been getting dengue. Here and there and everywhere.

I don't have the CURE. Because, nothing can fight off DENGUE, or any disease for that matter.... EXCEPT YOUR BODY.

Yes, your body. Your BODY IS THE BEST DOCTOR. Our body is designed to WARD OFF DISEASES. And, it's really amazing.

But, why do people get sick?

It is because we haven't been supplying our body the right amount of vitamins and nutrients to boost our IMMUNE SYSTEM. It's like in some computer game where you need IMMUNITY or else you lose your HEALTH fast. Our Maker also provided us with FRUITS, VEGETABLES and HERBS for that.

But, lately... nobody is eating right. Thus, our immune system weakens and all sorts of diseases unheard of back in the old days are appearing.

It's like a car who runs on diesel. But, you kept giving the car GAS.. and not the diesel it needs. So, it will malfunction.

Anyway, since we are talking about DENGUE... i'm gonna be suggesting... a sure fire way of boosting your immune system specially if you are in the hospital suffering from DENGUE.

I tell you, I have known lots of cases.... whose platelet count ranges from 10-100 and by drinking this stuff.... you wouldn't need blood transfusion... and you get out of the hospital the soonest. Other people respond really fast... the next day they were given the "discharge slip". And we have cases who have been to ICU already... and they get off the next day.

I have access of this certain "supplement" but you can also have other alternatives should you know anybody selling the same thing. I just wanted less "mortality rate" when it comes to DENGUE... because HONESTLY... it is as EASY as one, two, three. and it saddens me when I hear countless of kids dying from something which I know I can be of help.

Of course I can't barge in on the hospitals or the media that I know of "something" which can help your BODY FIGHT OFF DENGUE. I repeat, YOUR BODY FIGHTING OFF DENGUE. This supplement is not the CURE. IT will just AID your BODY. (I don't want the medical doctors raging on and on about claiming i have the cure because I don't).

Now, i know.. CONVENTIONAL DOCTORS would be against this. Although, I've known open minded DOCTORS who doesn't delve into "belief" but focuses on the facts and results.

(the products i have access with... got INSURANCE or PRODUCT LIABILITY and got awards as the "best herbal supplement" year 2005. and im not gonna be posting the brand. You can just message me here and give me your number and i will get back to you.)

but then...

Uhmm i was searching online and all that. I wanna give the names here in this post sana but.... im opting to give you the names if you are interested through text message or email na lang. I don't wanna ruffle feathers of the medical field and the pharamaceuticals company. :)

and here is one of my favorite documentary of all time after The Secret and the 11th Hour:

FOOD MATTERS

Day 3 - Your Parents

Parents!

Papa and Mama.

There is so much to say about them. And a blog entry wouldn't be enough for the gratitude i felt for them. and love of course.

we've had hard times... and of course good times. we get into discussions, disagreements over simple and the most complex of issues. but, in the end what matters is the bind that connects us - the love of a family.

the way they brought me up might be a reason for me to "rebel". to outsiders, i seem to live a very "not-so-free" life. and that im sure most people have often commented: "wow. that's hardcore." but, i never really took it against them. we all thought they are "kill joy", yeah sometimes they can be that and it is true.. but just remember the intentions of their heart.

and now, im in my 20's.. i get to reason, cajole, meet halfway with my parents, of course with respect. and they are always willing to hear me out. they sure have some of their old ways.. which i think doesn't work nowadays. but, what the hell. i'll deal with this. although, there are issues we still need to discuss and be clear about, such as in the matters of love. LOL.

anyway, here's a song.... FROM THE PARENTS.. basically it's about a mother's love.. but it can apply to ... father's as well....

this sums up what your parents are feeling specially the moms about their children in a nutshell.

it is said.. that you never own your kids.. and that parents watch us grow so they can let us go. if we want a different name, they ask us what we want to be called. if we want to sail in a different direction, they just help us find the wind.

and sometimes.... some parents have shortcomings. but, let us all understand... their father's father. and that if at one point... if your experience with your parents are just plain madness... maybe, you can stop the madness at your end.

and just love your kids.. the way you want your parents to love you.

as you can see... we can't blame no one.

not even our parents. and despite all the hate and rage... let's all remember the LOVE. ;)

another one from Barbra Streisand entitled: "If I Could".

(imagine that your mom is singing you this song... or your dad... or your parents.. together... singing a duet).




If I could, I'd protect you
From the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would

If I could, I would teach you
All the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could, I would try to shield
Your innocence from time
But a part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow, so I could let you go

If I could, I would help you
Make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would, if I could

If I live in a time and place where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday won't have to be your way

If I knew, I would try to change
The world I brought to you to
And there isn't very much that I, I could do
But I would, if I could

Oh baby, mummy wants to protect you
And help my baby through the hungry years
It's part of

And if you ever, ever need
Sad shoulder to cry on
I'm just someone to talk to
I'll be there, I'll be there

I didn't change your world
But I would, if I could

Oh darling, I love you baby

Day 2 - Your Crush

Crush??? Eeep!

Do celebrity crushes count? I have a couple.

There's Matt Damon who tops my list.

There's Patrick Dempsey. Robert Downey, Jr. Hugh Dancy.

Keiffer Sutherland. (I know Keiffer is old! but, what the hell! I just love him to bits!)


How about book characters?

Well, there's Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice

and my high school crush Aaron from Sweet Valley


How about movie characters?

Of course, there's Dastan! The recent character i'm crushing on.

Si Drover of the movie Australia. *swoons* THE BEST!


How about.. Right Now in Real Life?

Actually, I can't think of anyone. As of the moment.

In real life, i'd have this passing fancy of you... but when I find I can't converse with you... It fades.

Having a crush in real life specially when I'm in my twenties, is different than the ones I had when I was in high school.

In high school, I'd have long standing crushes with a few guys. But, now that i'm in my twenties, I'd have a fleeting fancy. So, I can't say... that I have one right now.

Oh.. meron nga pala akong online crush. *teehee* =) *blushes*

Day 1: Your Best Friend

This is funny.

I had to think long and hard for this post.

Because up until now, I don't have what they call the "best friend".

I always think a best friend is the one you were with since childhood. I have this "best friend" ideal. And for so long a time... ever since I was younger.. my whole search was focused on having one.

Really.

It wasn't about boys or mates, but merely about having a BEST FRIEND. and many a time, i have called some friends.. "BEST FRIEND"

but, the ones I call those.. are not people I am close to right now.

If not, we are deemed to strangers... it's as if.. we silently ask ourselves "were we really friends?"

In High School... I was more on to being with a group rather with a single "BEST FRIEND".

Siguro, i have long given up the hope about finding one.

The LESSON for me?

I was so focused on the ideals... that a slight imperfection can make me go away. A slight deviation of "what should be" would make me want to start something new with a different friend. I realized I wasn't looking for a BESTFRIEND. and that I never really understood what it really means. I was like a woman looking for Mr. Right. In my case, the PERFECT FRIEND.

Now? I don't have the "I have to have a BEST FRIEND syndrome".

I've learned through time that some people are just downright blessed to have a "soul mate" right by their side growing up. And that ever since they were young they know how to appreciate what it means to have a "best friend". And it doesn't mean my life isn't complete without that (because for awhile i thought it was everything).


and just early last year.... I began to REALLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY appreciate all my FRIENDS. and that friendship isn't something exclusive you can share with just one person but with the rest of the world. (i know it sounds crazy, i thought it was like that before... )

and...

I realized ... I can never appreciate my FRIENDS around me... if I don't know how to be a BEST FRIEND to MYSELF.

Yeah, i don't have a specific "best friend", like in those movies.... but, I have ME. my other self. the one who knows everything. the one who braves to confront the darkest parts of me. the one who loves. the one who knows whether im happy or sad.

and what's the good news?

I'm not exclusive.

My friendship extends to everybody around me. And that... in everything... I'll be my BEST.

*blows kisses*

P.S. my heart is still warmed whenever i see childhood best friends walking past me.

Xoxo,

Liberty

Talk about DAYS!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror


I saw the list back at tumblr. Yeah. I got one. And sometimes it's a great way to post random stuffs in one day.... and some one-liners with just one click!

So.. well.. if you have the time you can check it out: ANGELBLUSH'S TUMBLR PAGE

Anyway... even if i saw the list over @ TUMBLR... i will be doing it HERE. Since, ive been slow on updates.. and it gives me some things to talk about.. and they all have interesting topics..

So.... I will be posting away soon!

HOW ARE YOU??? Will be doing my rounds later!! Ta-ta

P.S. you can do this one if you want too.

P.P.S. *waves hi* to PM for mentioning me over at her blog. Hehe.

it's raining

Today... I GRIEVE...

Last week.. i received a message that one of our close family friend passed away.

It's been a year or so since I last saw Tay Ronnel.

He was one of the most influential person I've met in my life. Very articulate and he has this overflowing generous heart. Although, he may seem a bit "strict" and intimidating.. I find him that most of the time... but he keeps you at ease with his humor. That's the best thing about him.

He'd often question me about my choices, and would tell me he admires me for being me. Although, i have made a choice recently that MAY lead to him telling me.. "guess you are not as obedient as you may seem to be." I never heard that from him. Instead, he respected my choice.

He was a great father... a testament to that is his two sons, Kyle and Kevin. And was an influential leader of the lot. Thanks for sharing the walk with us Tay Ronnel. You have been one of my angels on earth.

And just today... I received a message... Joseph Manasseh passed away. :( He was, oh so young. just 2 nights ago I received a message of him being in ICU there in Manila. :( :( :(

The rain always pours to people who deserves the sun the most...

to his family who have been every bit of my family as well (although we had a bit of a ... lie low moment...) my loving thoughts are with you all....

i really don't know what to say in moments like these... specially, to you my dearest Chaya. But, i just want to let you feel that in times like these.. we are here for you.

all my love...

(is lighting a candle... and an incense.. for their transition... )

There are no Mistakes

i suddenly remembered a song....

it's by Barbra Streisand...

If you think you took the wrong turn... if you made any mistakes... if you regret something.. or maybe you are thinking about the past that went bad..

or maybe life wasn't that easy....

this song... this song is for you....

i hope you take time to listen to it...

and its a good song to follow up on my previous post with those "vulnerable" side of the heroes...



Lessons to Be Learned - Barbra Streisand

They say there's a universal plan
For every woman, for every man
I do believe there's a higher power
But in our darkest hour it's hard to understand
So we start to question, start to doubt
We lose faith in what life's all about

Why did the right road take the wrong turn
Why did our heart break, why'd we get burned
Just like the seasons there are reasons for the path we take
There are no mistakes
Just lessons to be learned

Don't give up, keep on looking deep inside
Let your heartbeat be your guide
Cause there's a gift, for those who keep believing
You'll find what you've been needing is right before your eyes
You'll hold the answer in your hands
Then you'll know, you'll finally understand

Why did the right road take a wrong turn
Why did our heart break, why'd we get burned
Just like the seasons there are reasons for the path we take
There are no mistakes
Just lessons to be learned

No matter how many times you stumble or fall
The greatest lesson is loving yourself through it all

Why did the right road take a wrong turn
Why did our heart break, why'd we get burned
Just like the seasons, there are reasons for the path we take
There are no mistakes
Just lessons
Lessons to be learned

Absolute Vulnerability

Even heroes have "vulnerable moments".

Despite the superpowers and psychic abilities they have... they are human too.


Adrian Tranquili a sculptor shows us the scarcely seen, vulnerable side of our Super Heroes.

Although the outside battles are equally riveting... it is the inner battle that matters most. In Spiderman 3: "The Battle Lies Within".

Everyone can relate to them because it is not just the super heroes who goes through this.

And according to Socrates of the movie "Peaceful Warrior" based on the best selling book The Way of A Peaceful Warrior:

A warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He's about ABSOLUTE VULNERABILITY.

And in those moments.... we allow ourselves to be human.....



So... if you are going through something..... always mind the battles within.... because they are the ones that matters most. As within, so without. Life is a mirror. It reflects back your innermost thoughts, feelings and desires.

and always remember folks, a warrior is about ABSOLUTE VULNERABILITY.. and we all have those moments.




Image Source from: Diesel Fragrance

Something Political

I don't know anything about politics, I don't know how it works. I don't know the truth from the lies, because I was never there, wasn't in politics and never done any. I always shy away from any conversation related to that unless an election is drawing near.

The only time I get hyped up talking about politics is when people talk about Mayor Duterte. or the Duterte's for that matter.

So, yeah the election is drawing near...

And, I'm surprised when I ask most people I know, they are still at the twilight zone of who their President would be. Or they'd give me: Noynoy, there's a Gibo, there's Gordon, other people would smirk about Villar (but the jingle is really something that could make your eyes roll), there's also a taxi driver who would vote for Erap.

No one in the political world is ever clean. Ever. In politics, you roll up your sleeves to clean up the mess and you get your hands dirty. Others are smart, they make other people do it. They let someone like Jack Bauer to clean up the mess. Ok, that sounds 24-ish na. My point is, everyone in the political world is somewhat marred. If you wanna work with the system, you have to mesh yourself with it... and you uncover a lot of things you'd rather not encounter. But, it's a matter of working yourself in it.... and well yeah, ending up acting: "for the good of the people". I knew of a few good people who ran for the office but ended up quitting because they can't stand the lies. But, it's all a matter of balance. There are well-meaning people in the government, there are those whose principles are firm, and who still keeps their word. And you would see those people bringing about results.

As I've said once at a friendster blogpost that Truth and Politics cannot mix. So, no one would ever know what's the truth or the real deal anyway. Because, if you search for the truth you'd come up with a web of lies. What they do out there is, they lie to the people and if they lie long enough they'd end up believing those lies and it ends up becoming the truth. So, who knows?

I, like everyone else is on a limbo about my President.

I once opted for Noynoy because his running for President wasn't something he planned anyway. There wasn't any strategy involved. It wasn't strategy when President Cory Aquino died. So, i found it was a bit divine. People asked him to run after the late President Cory Aquino died, and it was amazing how Mar Roxas put on hold his eye as being President and settled for Vice President. Although, i'm sure they have things on their sleeves na because they are in it already.

Then, I later found out Noynoy and Gibo were cousins and I got hold of some "80's Conspiracy Theories involving Marcos and the Aquino's".

Then, I saw Gordon... and even wanted him to win until I talked to some political analysts who told me Gordon wasn't "winnable". They say: "If we vote for Gordon, chances are Villar might win... blabber this and blabber that.." and they all opted for Noynoy as the lesser evil.

and there's Nicanor Perlas who is not so publicized but well worth considering. I just browsed his website. He is divorced but so, what the hell? (You'd know below, why those things wouldn't matter.)

I for one, don't want Villar to win. I don't want to add any more fuel to fire because it's already big and everyone knows what a big fat liar dot dot dot dot.....

And then, I said to myself maybe I should wait for whomever Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will endorse.

A few nights before Duterte announced his President, I dreamt he was supporting: Noynoy. And, I was amazed just this week when I learned he was indeed supporting Noynoy.

But, until now... I still don't have a President.

Anyway, here's my list:

President:

Vice President:

Senator:

Risa Hontiveros (Ana Theresia Baraquel)

BongBong Marcos

Bong Revilla

Pia Cayetano

Ralph Recto

Martin Bautista

Gwen Pimentel

(i really haven't researched the Senators... and there's sooo much information. *sigh*)

Davao City:

Mayor: Inday Sara Duterte

Vice Mayor: Rodrigo Duterte

I'm supporting the following councilors, though I can't vote kasi I'm on a different district:

Congresswoman: Mabel Sunga Acosta

1st District Councilor: Lester Avila / Billy Parilla

I'm supporting Kuya LL (Lester Avila), since he was my schoolmate and we have common family friends and of course knew him personally. And I can personally vouch for him. His advocacy is "Youth for Environment". And will be continuing some great projects for the Environment. :)

2nd District: Congresswoman: Mylene Garcia

and im on a limbo sa councilors.

Anyway... I found something online (I actually encountered this questionnaire in a seminar) and I think most of you will recognize this:

ELECTING A WORLD LEADER:

Candidate A was associated with witchdoctors and often consulted astrologists. He had two mistresses. His wife was a Lesbian. He smoked a lot. He drank eight to ten martinis a day.

Candidate B never managed to hold down a job because of his arrogance. He slept the whole morning. He used opium at school, and was always considered a bad student. He drank a glass of brandy every morning.

Candidate C was decorated a hero. A vegetarian, he did not smoke. His discipline was exemplary. He occasionally drank a beer. He stayed with the same woman during his moments of glory and defeat.

And what was the answer?

A] Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

B] Winston Churchill.

C] Adolf Hitler.

Well...

All the best, PHILIPPINES.... in selecting our President.

descending into hell

WARNING: A DARK EMO POST.

if you are having a good day... stay away from this.

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tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. for no apparent reason at all. (it's been like this during random nights). her heart is breaking.... and she doesn't know why. she's confused.

confused. confused. confused.

confused, is what she is. she even wanted to beat her head or bang it against the wall for feeling like this. but, her other self... just allowed her. just allowed her to pour all those pain out in one brief moment. she couldn't believe the rush of emotion pushing through her.

she'd stop herself at the comfort room. at the shower or even when she's about to lie down.

the recent scene was the pink tiled comfort room. she checked her blackjack for the time. it took her 9 minutes. 3 minutes to cry and 6 minutes in between to calm herself and dry her eyes.

she sobbed. she can't bawl, cause she might attract attention.

it's like there's this dull ache in her chest. and while crying, she found herself asking: "Why? Why? Why do I feel like this?"

she's racking her brain and feeling her heart whether this was about the recent loss she had. and now she feels her brain was deliberately trying to confuse itself.

is this a chip on her shoulder? but, it's crazy because he is the last thing on her mind. and she's not even thinking about him anymore. she couldn't even imagine him in the future.

is it a mask? is she not over the situation yet? it's been a month of Sundays. she's not hearing his name. and the gods were all in her favor and besides she does not want to beat a dead horse.

or is it because she's losing her way? or she's trying to find it? what? what is her heart telling her?

or is she starting to feel a growing concern for someone? and all these familiar feelings are starting to surface.

or maybe she's just growing? like some spiritual detox where all the dark areas of herself gets sucked up to the surface in order to be released? a bit like colonics minus the literal shit. what is it?

it's like the time of her life where she's feeling... this journey is not fun. its too sad, too frightening, too heavy, too lonely, too hopeless.

when the gods gave the map for this journey, part of that journey is to go through the dark night of the soul.

is this her dark night of the soul, the winter of her discontent ? Should it be like what Mother Teresa in one of her famous quotes said: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."?

that you just keep bleeding (and yes, remember that song). God, that sure sounds so EMO. *beats herself for talking like this. this is not her. everyone who knows her.. would be shocked* nothing short of romantic. its EMO and its unhealthy if she drones on and on about being EMO.

she's about fairy tales and happy endings. not crossroads and lonely highways. she's about the light and not the shadow. she's the angel and not the devil's advocate.

but then, maybe she's more of like Alanis' song..

"im a bitch, im a lover, im a child, im a mother, im a sinner, im a saint, i do not feel ashamed. im your hell, im your dream, im nothing in between."

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folks, bear with me. my posts are dark and dreary. not light and heavenly.

im acknowledging my ego... and letting it go,
its like im being crucified or dead and buried
its like being lost in a labyrinth.
a little bit like descending into hell.
and doing battle with dragons...

that's poetry....

in modern times... they stripped it off poetry and called it

STRESS
BURN OUT
DEPRESSION.

but... i'd just remember what the Christ said:

"this too shall pass"

and

when it's done...

i'd be happy to say:

"the past is over. it can touch me not."

Have you Ever?

have you ever had those moments when you want to lash out at someone you love but you know very well enough that its not gonna hurt the person because it is you writhing in pain?

and that the anger for that one person is like you drinking the poison expecting the other person to suffer but it ends up burning you?

have you ever wanted to say so many things to someone, because that someone never allowed you to say your own piece? Mentally, you say those would-have-been nice movie lines because you knew for sure that was how you felt and that you needed that person who caused it to hear that.


have you ever felt the frustration to hate someone you love but you know very well it is all a mind game because deep down inside you were happy and that at one moment in time... you were sure... you LOVED?

have you ever felt wanting to play the victim but deep down inside you knew for sure that you are a victim no more?

and because of that... you immerse yourself with all those Korean melodrama on TV and hide your pain....

have you ever wished that one day you would meet someone who is as handsome and charming as Yi Jeoung, with the surprising persistent sweetness with a rough edge of Jun Pyo, the courage of Woo Bin, and the loyal devotion and utmost care of Ji Hoo?

this is just my shadow saying its piece... i am beyond this... but i am letting shadow take over for just one moment. for just one moment.

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just got back from a summit in Baguio. what a nice experience! ;)

oh and i got PM's prize!! wahoo. Thanks again!

I WON

First off, I just won a cute polymer clay trinket from Prinsesa Musang's blog. It was her anniversary and she was giving away prizes. :) My comeback was welcomed by this pleasant surprise - winning the trinket. Thanks PM! Is grateful. :)

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so many things have been happening lately....
and im sure most people would find them not pleasant...

there were earthquakes in various places in the world, the most recent was Chile's 8.8..

and the baby tsunami waves.....

the recent power shortage here in the South.....

the extreme hot weather brought out by EL Nino...

and among others...

mhmmm....... well, lets just all generate loving energies to Nature and Universe.....

LOVE.LOVE.LOVE.
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Surf, Sand, Fire and Party

Photo: (Taken at Botona Beach Resort, it's the whole stretch of Dahican Beach in Mati. Kanakbai Beach Resort is on the other side).

Hi guys!

This year, I had one of the best birthday (every year.. it's always BEST for me!). I was out of town, with my childhood friends whom I considered as real brothers and sisters. We went out for Maranatha's debut.

From L-R: Darlene, Ate Jill, Me, Cris, Paolo H., and Walter at Kanakbai Beach Resort, Dahican (Mati)

We took off early in the morning, and my sister and I got around to helping the "decorators" of the venue who happened to be my childhood friends. Everyone (including us) was a bit groogy, because we all slept late or didn't sleep at all the night before since we all have to do last minute stuffs. (I was the one in charge for our surprise video presentation).

It was all crazy, really... we finished late with the decoration because we thought there were locals who would help us with the decoration, but no help came and if there was ever one... they came in late na rin. And we went to the party with no make up at all because there was only one bathroom and the party was about to start. The venue and the accommodation of the guests is like a 5-8 minutes ride.

Photo: (us with the debutante... like a fairy doll).

Anyway, despite all that.... it was arguably FUN! The debutante was the star of the night... unlike the usual (princessy debut which I had), it was fairly-like and of course hawaiian. She was the only one who was allowed to wear white. One thing I enjoyed was the "fire dance" and the hawaiian dance by the debutante and her mother at the last part. :)

that was February 13.... and it was also my birthday...

I told everyone to forget my birthday and give the day to Maranatha. And everyone was pretty accommodating. But, when the party ended and the debutante was entertaining the rest of her guests at Botona where we were all housed, everyone sang a "happy birthday" to me. *how sweet of them*

That night, was one of the best nights because I saw the diamond glittered star-filled sky. It was like a blanket of stars and I was barefoot with the sound of the waves and the wind howling at the background and the air was it's usual refreshing self. *swoons* Could this get any better? Too bad, I don't have pictures of the star-filled blanket of a sky.... it will forever be in my mind though. -_- *i have simple delights! just gimme nature.. and id be beaming with joy*

That night, we were good girls and boys... all we had was cake and coke. Bread breaking, eh? The modern way. Haha. :)

We just talked underneath the sky and with the sound of the waves lulling us to sleep. We slept around 3 in the morning like sardines because of the limited rooms.

There was like 13 of us in the room. It was crazy. :)

Photo: Don't mind the eyebags, please... -_-

Some of us woke up around 5-6am to scout for the surfer dudes to give us surfing lessons. And came the best "Valentine's everrrrrr". We talked to the guys from "Amihan sa Dahican". They were a nice lot. Too bad, I wasn't able to try the surfing.. I had the tide. Get my drift, please. The beach was bare save, for us. Perfect for beginners to surf. :)

I fell in love watching them surf. It made me want to go back to Dahican.

By the way, they have an upcoming Skim Competition this April. You can search them on Facebook and add them: Amihan Sa Dahican, for more information regarding their competition. You can also donate something for the said competition. :)

It was a good memory... and yes... I can't wait to go back to Dahican... I discovered a lovely place 3 hours away from Davao... =)

Surfing photos on my other post na lang.... :)

I know this is late... but how was your Valentine's? Or Chinese New Year? :)

S-tress? Not a problem.

Recently, i gave a talk to graduating students of Accountancy at University of Mindanao. I was invited by my cousin Jane to talk about "Stress Management". I am in the spa industry and that's one of our main thing in the industry.

It was a great experience and it's quiet challenging to get their attention. One, i'm not far their age.. so it could be just like a case of... "we know what you know." and they could be rolling their eyes. I stammered during the first few minutes and I was laughing about it because I was currently under stress. Haha.

But, with a few humor here and there I got their attention and I was at ease. It was my first time to come up with a "Stress Management" module. I got an outline online and added a few things here and there from my experience.

Psychologists would say we all need stress.... but, my spiritual gurus say... we can always choose not to create stress in our life. So, I just gave the college students the basics... it's hard enough to manage stress what more eliminating it in your life?

Although, its not exactly THAT hard to eliminate stress.. but with the programs we have... it's gonna be mighty challenging. :)

The following are my steps to managing stress..... although I know everyone knows about this.... but we might all be needing a lil review noh? :)

1.) Find a Support - a friend, mentor, minister, councilor.... to talk to. :)

2.) Get organized - arrange the clutter in your room or work area to think clearly.

3.) Take breaks, give yourself "me" time - get at least 10-15 minute break to power nap, or listen to soothing songs in your mp3 players or ipod, take a walk, anything to give you a break mentally..

4.) Take good care of yourself - eat properly, get a good rest... allow yourself to do something you enjoy each day... :) sometimes, when we feel stressed we tend to do the opposite. Hydrate yourself... :)

5.) Get regular exercise - blow off the steam and release it through excercise. This will relieve some symptoms of depression and stress. But, don't overdo it! Too much of something is bad... 45 mins. to an hour a day would be great! :)

6.) Get a hobby, do something different - add some spice in your life and do something you haven't done yet that you sure would enjoy. sign up for dance lessons, or voice lessons. Go to that film making class or photography class...

7.) Slow Down - the journey is the destination.. relax.... don't live in a hurry, curry life.... enjoy the moment. stop, and smell the coffee....

8.) Laugh, use humor - watch funny movies, be with your friends who makes you laugh, surround yourself with laughter... but a bit of advice... don't laugh at anybody's expense. if you must, laugh about yourself... it is strength beyond measure.

9.) Keeping a Diary - or a BLOG! hehe. I'm sure to some.. blogging is part of their stress management program (its part of mine!). :) Veryyy effective. It keeps me sane.. and it helps me live in the moment and cherish what happened in the past... :)

10.) Learn to relax - Get a massage!!! Go to our spa (Angel of Water Wellness Center) haha. or the nearest spa near you.... :) Do visualization techniques... deep breathing.... relax.. relax... use your different sense: touch, taste, smell, sight and sound.

for touch: get a massage, get a warm bath, go for a swim, change into comfy clothes...

for taste: eat a comforting meal, eat healthy food, sip your choice of herbal tea, drink fine wine with friends not Red Horse , ok ?? :)

for smell: smell lavender or chamomile, don on your favorite perfume or scent, shop for flowers, breathe the fresh air, light a scented candle..

for sight: watch a funny movie, read a good book, watch the clouds, watch the horizon...

for sound: listen to calm, classical music or something instrumental (it's good for your brain waves), sing to yourself, say positive affirmations for yourself, play your favorite musical instrument... if you know how to. hehe. or ask someone to play it for you. Ji Hoo from BOF would come in handy.. haha. :)

I guess that's about it. I'm sure... there are lots and lots of ways to manage stress...

You? What do you do when you are stressed? I'd love to hear from you.... :)

Dragons and Castles

last year it was one of the best years i've had...

i got what i always longed for... gaining a heart's desire is what i've always wanted...

to immerse myself to someone

but then just before the year ended...

I ended something i wished would last forever... but sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. he once told me: "only dead fishes swim with the currents"...

i was kind of taken aback when he said that. meaning, if i go with the flow... would that mean, i am dead?

only in the worldly mundane view could it be true...

about dead fishes swimming with the currents...

but, maybe he is not seeing the big picture...

because, if you see the big picture... there's no use resisting the flow if it goes from East to West right?

"the only time you feel alive is when you go against the flow.. trust me." his words.. resounded in my head. though it sounds so exciting, the prospect of being alive - i mean.. it just does not add up to what i believe in.

i frowned. trying to understand. and then it hit me.

and then i realized we came from two different programs, two different worlds...

he is somewhat so accustomed to his ways, his own rules that he doesn't fit mine.

then i realized we don't share the same values, ideals and aspirations...

there is love... but sometimes... the light of your love is painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness...

and so just like oil and water.... we will separate....

and i know..

this year... is going to be one of the best...

this year... is going to reap a million or more...

this year... i am devoting myself to LOVE more than ever before...

this year... i delight myself in the eyes of my one lover who never abandoned me... who stayed through it all... His Spirit Lives.

this year... i am spending more time with the people who supported me... who saw through me... who gave me courage..... Mom, Dad, Darlene, Paolo, Ate Ariane, Yhe, Abigail, Nay Judith, Doc Andre.. for all those mini sessions we had separately...

and for the couples who inspire me with their love... and never lacked the support...

Kuya Jong and Ate Pat, Kuya Jundi and Ate Mar, Sol and Ate Kai, Cris and Ate Jill, Kuya Carlo and Ate Ivy,

though the prince i hoped who could save me never really made it.(he did not make it through the dragon's initiation. Remember, only the initiated can go through the castle gates and make his way to the tower, if he is armed with the sword of truth and the shield of courage. the other prince dropped his along the way).. i know another one is on his way.... because i heard.. when love is not there.. it may be on it's way.

and so if you are expecting a visitor.. what do you do?

you prepare....



May your 2010 be the best you could ever wish for! :)

May LOVE rule and reign... because really... what the world needs now is just that: LOVE. :)

and that it still conquers ALL. :)

Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants

Category: Movies

Genre: Chick Flick

Director: Ken Kwapis

Tagline: Laugh. Cry. Share the pants.

Casts: Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bedel, America Ferrera, Blake Lively, Jenna Boyd, Bradley Whitford, Nancy Travis, Rachel Ticotin, Mike Vogel and more.

Overview and Review of the movie Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants directed by Ken Kwapis

This movie is based on a book written by Anne Brashares. Four best friends(Lena, Brash, Tibby and Carmen) spends their summer for the first time, away from each other. Before they part ways to different places for the summer, they found a magical pair of jeans that fits all of them perfectly event though they have various shapes and size. They made an agreement to share the pants the whole summer with each other and to keep in touch and write something wonderful that happened along with it because they believe it's magic.

What the four best friends had - is one DREAM FRIENDSHIP for every girl out there. Their bond is sooo good and you can see they accept each other unconditionally. Like sisters born in different families. This movie is all about their one summer where they are apart for the first time. It's a heartwarming coming of age story (and it can make you cry and laugh).... and the chemistry of the four young actresses were good and that's what makes this movie pretty special.

I also like the lines they came up with... because there's truth in it.

a repost from my review blog Espresso Break.

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holidays are coming

and sooooo.... its Christmas once again! feel the spirits guys!!

Have a Wonderful HOLIDAY!!